Whole Again
by emmaplodocus
Summary: Sebastian wakes from a night in scandals in their parking lot in the back of his car. He is aching and bruised, and without memory of what happened to him. Unfortunately, there is someone who is insistent that he not only remembers the night, but relives it. READ THE WARNINGS!


**WARNINGS**: attempted noncon, (non graphic) noncon via date rape drugs, violence, lots of angst, stalking. Also this has some Klaine in it for those that hate them.

I just want to say as a disclaimer, that I love Sebastian's character. Anything here that sounds like accusations toward him are from his point of view at a time of self hatred and aren't mine, I don't want anyone to think I'm slipping in sneaky Sebastian bashing.

* * *

Sebastian remembers going to Scandals and being on the lookout for someone to go home with, he remembers parking his car and buying his first drink, checking out the gradually growing crowd at the bar. He remembers laughing in a man's face, he was probably about forty and thought that because Sebastian was gay and drunk he would sleep with anyone. He remembers dancing and drinking some more, he remembers having to sit down to catch his breath - feeling unusually affected by the alcohol - he always had a good tolerance for it. He remembers falling off the stool and someone steadying him, he remembers leaning - not intently into the stronger man, and laughing loudly about being so drunk.

He remembers nothing else.

He wakes up in the back of his car and groans.

He had stopped using his car to hook up in months ago quickly realising spending the night here was cold and uncomfortable and hating that he was the one that had to be stuck with the clean up afterwards. He only drove to Scandals so he had an out if the night was a bust - if not he collected his car the next day.

As he lies there in the backseat with his eyes closed he allows the night to come back to him and he realises with confusion that he was nowhere near drunk enough for him to be in this state. It was only very rare, and usually only after copious amounts of vodka, that he never remembered things from his nights out, and last night he knows he stuck to beers and can't have consumed more than five.

Yet despite this, he feels horrible. Already he feels worse than he ever has before.

He's slow to realise that this isn't right.

He carefully sits up and realises it's still the early hours of the morning, there is nothing left behind to suggest who he had hooked up with last night, and he swallows down the terrible feeling in his gut when he realises he cannot remember.

It's so unlike him.

His arse hurts and he knows that whoever it was he had taken to his car last night was on top and apparently not adept at preparing their partners. It was strange that Sebastian hadn't yelled at the guy to back off while he prepared himself if he was so inept at it. He had never hurt so much before.

This isn't right.

His boxers are on and all of his other clothes are gone, his phone is on the floor of the car, he picks it up and sees it is four in the morning, he opens the text he has from another number and blanches at the message.

'You're a good fuck slut, see you again.'

He certainly doesn't remember exchanging numbers. Whoever the hell it is can fuck off, he won't be sleeping with them again.

Breathing deeply and trying to settle the lurching feeling in his stomach he slowly he pulls his clothes towards him.

He lets out a whine when he bends his wrist - it hurts like a bitch and he has no idea why. He also sees his arms are scratched and bruised and his throat hurts. Despite being only in his boxers he lunges forward and throws the car door open and vomits everywhere.

He wasn't fond of boring vanilla sex all the time, but of all the experimentation he had ever tried in bed, being rough has never been on the list of things that even remotely turned him on. Yet whoever he was with last night had left him with marks all over his skin and marks around his neck and a sickness that felt so unconnected to any alcohol he had ever drunk before.

This is definitely not right.

He hastily pulls on his shirt and winces at how hard it is to pull on his jeans. Thankfully his keys are in his pocket, there's a bottle of water lying in the footwell, he opens it and downs it. Shakily he gets out, slips into his shoes and leans onto the side of his car, breathing in the night air deeply and trying to judge if he can drive home or not.

He doesn't feel dizzy or drunk, just sick to his stomach.

He drives, the roads are empty and it's only fifteen minutes to his house but it takes him a lot longer because he drives at half the speed limit, just in case he feels like he should stop and walk the rest of the way.

He pulls into the driveway and lets himself in, he goes straight to his room and into his bathroom and strips and stands in front of the mirror.

What he sees, has him vomiting again.

There is no wonder his throat hurts, he has a ring of bruises around his neck.

He isn't into pain and sex, he would never have consented to something like that and he cannot believe that someone apparently strangled him last night and he can't remember it.

Bruises dot his arms and line his hips...

Oh god.

He knows what all these signs are pointing to but…Maybe it isn't as bad as it looks. Maybe it was just too much to drink and a bad choice of partner for the night. It doesn't mean he was raped...and wouldn't someone have seen? Wouldn't someone have thought it was suspicious if they saw anyone treating him badly?

Although, they wouldn't think it suspicious he was leaving with anyone, not with the numbers he has under his belt from that place.

No witnesses, no memory, no proof of anything and a homophobic town.

He feels sick and can't remember anything but deep inside he knows the blankness can't be from alcohol.

He doesn't feel spent and tired, like he does after a night out usually, he feels sick and sore

What can he do? Who can he tell? They'll say he deserved it. No one will help him, no one would care and the idea of telling people he thinks he might have gotten raped was laughable. He isn't even sure.

* * *

Sebastian wakes and if possible feels even worse. He realizes this is in part to the fact that he hasn't woken naturally, he feels a hand gently combing through his hair, and the unexpected physical contact combined with the ghosts of that night make him startle awake. He looks around wildly and breathes a sigh, feeling his heart settle in his chest again when he sees his mother sitting on the edge of his bed.

She laughs softly. "Sebastian sweetheart it's time for school. Come downstairs I want to talk to you."

"Mom…"

"I realise you're running on two hours sleep, but I also know it's self inflicted, so come on."

He waits until she leaves and gingerly leaves his bed. His head spins and he fears he'll be sick again. He wraps himself in his soft dressing gown, arranging the collar and pulling it closely around himself so that his mother wouldn't be able to see the bruises.

He slowly makes his way downstairs and sits at the table. His mom places a black coffee and a dry slice of toast in front of him. He is instantly grateful for the coffee but knows without a doubt his stomach cannot take the toast right now. He stares at the mug, instead of at his mother as she settles down opposite him.

"Sebastian, I heard you come in last night. Well, this morning. This is getting ridiculous. I don't mind you having fun with your friends and getting drunk and having a laugh - I trust you to be responsible with your alcohol but please, I'm not stupid. Now, I don't know what happened last night for you to come home at that time - did you fight with your friends? But I do know this has been happening a lot more frequently lately."

God, his mother didn't even think he was stupid enough to be out drinking in clubs alone.

"I'm going to have to start being a bit harder on you Sebastian, there really isn't any need for it - you aren't missing out on anything, really. I just want you to be safe. This isn't like you…"

"I…"

He physically has to swallow but knows the lump in his throat is not anything physical. His mind is screaming at him to tell her what happened. She would help him, he knows she would – his mom is wonderful, and he has often wondered before where he went so wrong, and now he hates the thought of disappointing her and the words that he needs to say – they won't come out.

So he sits there in silence.

"Did you drive drunk?"

And he lies.

"No. someone drove my car and the others followed us."

"Okay."

"Mom, I am so sorry. I'm going to stop it, I promise. I don't want another night like last night I don't."

She is so concerned for him even right now when all she is doing is scolding, and lightly at that, her son for coming in drunk off his ass at nearly five in the morning on a school night and he realizes that he never, ever wants her to find out just how much he never wants to suffer last night again.

This is just something he has to get through by himself.

"Okay sweetheart. Are you sick?"

"Yes."

"You don't usually wear that - are you cold?"

"Yeah."

"Look you're going to school today since this is self inflicted but if it turns out you are really sick call me at work and I promise I'll come get you."

"I'm sorry mom."

She stands and lays a kiss into his hair. "Sebastian honey you are almost an adult, I just wish you weren't in such a hurry to be one. I've never had a problem with you and your friends having a good night but I do think you should tone it down now okay? Definitely no more of this coming in so late. I worry about you."

"I'll change."

He means it.

He showers again before school and rubs himself raw whilst simultaneously trying not to see his own body. He feels dirty and used.

He has used so many other guys before, but he has never used them for his own ends exclusively – if you go to a bar and pick up a hook up just to get you off then you are both using each other. You're both looking for the same thing and Sebastian, who has always prided himself in his appearance and in his confidence has always taken it when he wanted it.

But last night, someone took from him without his permission and it is a feeling he will never be able to forget.

He thinks again, about telling his mom…but he can't put her through that, it would make her sick with worry and he doesn't think he can even say the words anyway. He knows, deeps within himself what happened to him and he will have to recover from this by himself and make sure he never goes to scandals again.

There is also, a terrified part of him that strongly thinks he is against telling someone simply because he does not believe that anyone would care.

He didn't have any true friends, not really. People spoke to him every day and were nice to him but he cannot remember the last time he had ever held a heart-felt conversation with him. Can't remember the last time someone came to him for advice.

He almost blinded Blaine and made him undergo surgery…that had been a particularly low point in his life and one he really regretted.

No one would understand. People probably wouldn't care anyway – the town slut just got something he couldn't handle – that's what people would say and he knows it and he doesn't have any proof – it would be far worse to tell everyone but not be able to prove it.

He can't do it.

So he does what he always does, and puts on his mask, gets dressed, goes to school and tries to act normally.

Acting normally though, is no easy feat.

Jack from the lacross team punches him square in the back like he does in some kind of boyish greeting whenever they see each other and Sebastian's knees almost buckle beneath him.

He gets through the day waving off any concerns and questioning phrases, by grunting and claiming to be sick.

He makes it through the entire day and is ready to bolt before he remembers his mom won't be there to pick him up yet because he has Warbler practice.

He slinks into the practice room and settles his aching body into one of the comfortable chairs, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath wondering if he'll be able to sneak out early when the suspicious whispering he hears all around him makes him open his eyes and groan because he realizes something.

He realises they're waiting for him to start and he wishes that the warblers were more self-sufficient in that the majority of them didn't crave a leader and need to be lead.

But he is that leader now, and he clawed his way to this position so he stands, and he knows that he will not be able to dance and act completely normal, because it hurts him just to walk right now and his throat is still hurting so he compromises instead.

"I'm feeling very unwell today so I'm just going to observe, we have that big five number performance for the parents night coming up, I think Nick and Jeff should use today's time to practice their numbers, I'm going to sit out."

Nick is sitting attentively as he always does but even though his straight posture he manages to jump up even further at those words, and when he speaks his voice is hopeful. "Practice our numbers?"

"Yes, I know you all think I'm an attention hog but I don't want all five songs, I looked through the records kept by the council last year and you two are both very talented and have auditioned enough. You get a song each. Is everyone in favor?

No-one objects, just like he knew they wouldn't.

Jeff is grinning, "Wow Sebastian –"

"Look, I really do feel shit okay? Just organise your songs, decide which of your numbers you'll practice now, and get to work - do whatever okay, I don't care and I'm good enough to pick up the moves you make today in the next practice."

"Did you want some painkillers?" someone asks, actually looking worried.

"I'd love some but I'm already at the limit."

It doesn't take long for them to assemble themselves and focus on the task at hand, and finally Sebastian can sit and rest. When he gets home he goes straight up to his room and crawls into bed. He cannot take his mind off of the pain in his body.

He's lying in bed, for the third hour straight after forcing down some soup when his phone lights up and his ring-tone chimes he has a new text.

'So glad I got your number, slut, fancy a repeat performance?'

Sebastian lets out a whine and slams his phone down with shaky hands, he swallows the bile that rises in his throat and furiously wipes as the burning behind his eyes.

He slowly and carefully types out a reply. "Do not contact me again or I will call the police." His finger hovers over the send button. How is he ever supposed to recover if the bastard that did this to him refuses to leave him alone?

He can't work up the nerve to send the text, so he turns his phone off and buries himself under his bed covers and cries himself to sleep feeling exhausted, miserable and alone.

* * *

Every morning for a week he does what he did that first day. He fakes it. He is in far too deep right now, he has no idea how he can handle this. So he falls into routine. Puts on his brave and snarky exterior, talks cheerfully to his mom and joins back in at Warbler practice, ignoring the way his muscles and bones scream at the pain when he throws himself into the complicated choreography.

He looks in the mirror every morning and sees bruises around his neck and all over his body. He takes a scolding shower morning and night under the pretence it will eventually help wash them away and he looks almost obsessively over his skin, looking for how the marks eventually begin to meld into his skin and fade away. It's like he thinks that having the marks disappear will set the cornerstone for the point in which he can begin to pretend, where he can put this behind him without being forced to think about it every time he looks in the mirror.

Or every time he receives a text. He hasn't had another text save those two and he hopes that he never will, but it doesn't stop him flinching every time his phone chimes.

By now he has resolutely decided he will not be going to the police. The is nothing they can do, Sebastian couldn't identify the guy if they passed in the street – and fuck does that petrify him. Plus, there is the nagging doubt that no one would believe him.

Everyone was finally right - he had obviously gotten too drunk and found someone who had used him more than he had used them.

He gets out the shower, skin pink and burning slightly and wraps himself in a towel before heading into his room and seeing his phone has a new message.

It seems he thought too soon, because it's an unknown number and the text is a threat that chills Sebastian down to his bones.

'I'm going to fuck you again and if you ignore me you'll regret it.'

He does ignore it – even if he wanted to reply what would he say? Some feeble threat or insult?

He races back to the bathroom and falls to his knees, he's throwing up in the toilet again, it doesn't last long because he doesn't eat much anymore, but the retching takes a full ten minutes to stop and it just adds another ache to his body.

* * *

After school he mechanically gets into his car and drives to the Lima Bean, he wants a familiar, safe environment but doesn't want to go home and he desperately wants some coffee. He isn't really paying attention to any of his surroundings, so he hears them speaking before he even sees them.

"Oh great, it's Sebastian, come on let's go."

He turns around instantly at the sound of his name and sees Blaine nod in agreement as he and Kurt stand up and start to gather their things. He aims a sneer in their direction – he feels nothing behind it anymore. He had genuinely been interested in Blaine, and no, he wouldn't have batted an eyelid had Blaine actually left Kurt for him – he was lovely and gorgeous after all, but even when his interest in the boy had faded he had always enjoyed the banter that he and Kurt exchanged whenever they saw one another – he could give it back as good as Sebastian gave and he always enjoyed the verbal sparring.

But now it was a waste of his time and energy and he just didn't care anymore, but he couldn't just stand there and be weak anymore, he had to gain some sense of control over something again, so he sneers without feeling and opens his mouth.

"No need to leave on my account. I have bigger things to worry about than listening to you two plan the flower arrangements for your wedding."

Kurt scowls. "I already know which arrangements we're having, thank you very much. I'll be sure to send your invitation here, since I doubt you'll end up anywhere better for the rest of your life."

The dig shouldn't have the effect it does on him, no considering he has genuinely been able to laugh off much worse and has in the past given Kurt grief along the same lines of being forever stuck in Lima, but today, he doesn't want to hear that he's a loser, because he is starting to feel like there is truth behind the words.

Blaine who had previously said nothing and opted to stay well out of their sparring matches blurts out, "you don't look well!" He looks apologetically towards Kurt, not wanting to start an argument, but Kurt himself looks like he is taking in Sebastian in a new way and it sends a tremor of fear through his body. Blaine is right. He looks very unwell, he is tired and his uniform is hanging off of him in an unhealthy way that shows he has lost too much weight in too little time.

Sebastian ignores him and walks out, coffee in hand and not another insult on his tongue. Damn Kurt for giving whatever he got, and damn Blaine for being so caring. Damn them both.

The next time he sees those two he's going to have to be twice as sarcastic as usual to make up for that poor encounter.

Damn everyone.

* * *

Two days later he's at the Lima bean again, he wanted to spend at least an hour there, just sitting and people watching and doing nothing in an attempt to numb his brain but there is a group of school girls crammed around one tiny table, all giggling and generally making him want to throw something, so he takes his coffee to go, shoots them a fierce glare and goes back to his car.

The Lima Bean is a good ten minutes drive out of where he could easily get coffee from somewhere closer but Blaine had bought him here that first time they had met and fuck, the coffee was good. It was worth the drive, especially since it was a friendly atmosphere, clean and Sebastian was quick to realise not homophobic. He'll admit the times he has been here before he has kept a keen look out for a certain couple but they are not on his mind lately, now he just wants the coffee.

He gets to his car and juggles his coffee with wrestling his keys out of his pocket and when he lifts his eyes up, to line the key up with the lock, what he sees makes everything stop. His heart is hammering in his chest and all sounds have ceased apart from the sound of his ragged breathing. He drops his coffee to the floor, the plastic top pops off the liquid gushes everywhere, seeping into the soil and splashing onto his shoes but he doesn't even realize because his eyes are focuses entirely on the door of his car which was now adorned with deep and large scratches, forming the word SLUT.

He eventually gains some form of mobility back again and rushes around his car to see his passenger door now reads FAGGOT. He climbs in, slams his door shut and punches the steering wheel, his face flushed with humiliation. He can't believe he's been driving around like this. Tears fall off his face and land on the steering wheel and he does nothing to even attempt to stem their flow. He is mortified.

You can clearly see the small parking lot for the Lima bean outside the windows - he could see out there enough to know that in the short time he was in there he would have noticed someone approaching his car. It had been in plain sight. No one could have gotten to his car here and he knows it wasn't there this morning when he left the house…so it must have been at school. He doubts any of the Dalton guys would have done it - some may hate him or at the very least resent him enough but the homophobes are buried too deep in a protective school, to do something like this and those who believe he is a slut - likely most people, probably wouldn't do something like his when it was so unprovoked...and he's been very low key lately even before all of this happened right after that Karofsky boy tried to kill himself, something for which Sebastian feels overwhelmingly guilty for…and the Warblers were rebuilding their bridges with Blaine who had called a truce with even him after Regionals and the Warblers had been very impressed with Sebastian's idea of starting that collection. Maybe he could have believed it had been someone from school then back in the midst of all that but now? It didn't make sense. So it must have happened at school…but not by anyone who actually attended school with him.

This is a warning.

He starts the engine after searching on his phone for the nearest mechanic and stalls three times before he makes the exit from the parking lot.

It had to be him. It was becoming clear that he would not be allowed to just forget what had happened any time soon.

* * *

Apparently the closest garage wasn't far from here. He hopes they'll be able to fit him in – he would gladly exchange all of his savings right now if it meant his mom never had to see the state of his car. He gets there and it doesn't look too busy - a man in overalls ambles over to him with a kind look on his face, his hand is halfway extended towards him before the kindness falls off his face and his hand falls to his side.

"You're that kid who tried to blind Kurt."

Hummel's Tyres and Lube. The name that Sebastian hadn't registered now presented itself with full body - the body being Kurt Hummel.

Shit.

Who knew Hummel's dad could be such a guy?

Sebastian wants to run but he is rooted to the spot and the guy is talking to him. "Look, I wanted to say something to you at Regionals but Kurt wouldn't let me but I'll tell you this kid, if you're here looking for him, or for Blaine then you've gotta go right now or I'll do something I regret."

Sebastian stammers, a stab of fright hitting his gut because this man looks kind even when he's frowning, but he knows the guy is serious - even when the slushie had actually landed on Blaine he never heard so much as a whisper of a threat from his parents. He can't take another threat from another fully grown man right now even though this is the one he really deserves.

"I, never mind. I wasn't after them, I promise." He rushes round to his car and opens the door with shaky hands hoping Mr Hummel is going to let him drive off with just that warning. For every ounce of Kurt that looks petite, this man, who Sebastian now assumes to be his father, is threatening and manly and someone who Sebastian desperately wishes he was not on the wrong side of.

Burt's followed him a few steps and Sebastian curses himself for losing his cool as he tries in vain to extract his car keys from his pocket, a hand is now gripping his car door and he knows that it's too late to get away.

"Hey kid wait!" The guy is holding his car door but his attention isn't on Sebastian, it's on the car itself. He's regarding Sebastian with an entirely new expression on his face now, "that's why you're here?"

Sebastian nods, his face burning with shame. "I had it coming to me. Sorry to waste your time." He extends a trembling hand to close the car door and end this painful visit but Mr Hummel won't let him.

"No one, has that coming to them. Go on, wait over there, I'll fix it for you." He waves his hands to a corner with a door to a single toilet, some shabby blue cushioned seats and a coffee table spilling over with magazines and looks so serious Sebastian is dumbfounded.

"What?"

"Out. I'll fix it."

"You can really fix my doors?"

"Plural?" Sebastian nods mutely and something he cannot identify crosses Burt's face. "Go on then. I'll do it now, I don't want you driving around with that."

A series of thanks start to tumble from his mouth but the man has already turned away from him to examine the rest of the damage and instead he just meanders over to the chairs and sinks into one, leaning forward he rubs at his neck. The bruises are barely visible anymore but his throat feels scratchy, probably from the crying he did earlier.

He sits there for half an hour when his phone buzzes, he picks it up instantly assuming it's his mom asking where he is.

It isn't.

'I found you at school, I can find where you live.'

Sebastian drops his phone and the noise rings out throughout the shop.

Someone picks it up for him.

It's Kurt.

Sebastian cannot speak right now – he's too shaken but he needs to recover himself and act normal so what does come out of his mouth is a chocked, "Looking good, Hummel."

"I know right?" Kurt twirls, "I'm assuming you were going to say I look like a boy."

Kurt certainly didn't look like a girl right now.

Sebastian had never been truly against Kurt's effeminate nature – in fact he had always very secretly, for it was something he would never admit aloud, admired Kurt's balls. He dressed the way he did and hid nothing about himself when he lived in Lima of all places, and that did take guts. Even now, when he was filthy and had a grease stain stretched against his forehead, the name on his overalls was stitched in with blue glittering thread.

"I'm surprised I recognized you."

He's holding eye contact and he knows that Kurt can see something within him is wrong, Kurt is devoid of his usual sass and even hands over a cup of coffee Sebastain had yet to realize he had been holding. Sebastian realizes he's probably seen the state of his car.

"You work here?"

"For years. Listen, it will be a while before dad can fix your car, did you need a ride anywhere?"

"It's okay, I'll wait."

Kurt nods and proceeds to change a tyre on one of the cars. It takes his mind off of the last message watching, and Sebastian has to admit against his will that it is impressive considering he cannot change one himself.

His phone rings.

He ignores it and starts to panic, he's having a hard time keeping it internalized. He runs his hands through his hair and stands to go outside and get some air hoping that will make him feel less overwhelmed but he gets another text and he has to sit back down again before he falls.

'Answer your phone faggot.' He doesn't. The next text says, 'answer or I'll be making a house call.'

Brilliant. It apparently wasn't enough that he had been raped – he was also being stalked.

His phone rings again and he actually lets out a frightened whine. Kurt looks over, and Sebastian dips into the one toilet there is so he cannot be overheard and he accepts the call, too scared to ignore it.

"So nice of you to finally chat with me."

"Who are you?"

There's a cold laugh. "Don't you remember?"

"You know damn well I don't. How the fuck did you get this number? If you don't leave me alone I'll go to the police."

"Well you haven't already. Here's what's going to happen. You know I can find you, you've obviously seen the damage I've done to your car but if you don't do what I say then the next time I'll carve those words into your fucking skin."

Sebastian collapses backwards onto the door of the toilet with a loud bang. He cannot even breathe right now.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Friday night you are going back to scandals and we're going for round two."

Sebastian wants to scoff but his voice comes out with a hysterical edge to it. "Why would I ever willingly meet you again?"

"Fortunately for me you don't know who I am and you don't have to be willing."

"I was never willing."

"Be there."

"I won't be there Friday or any other day!"

"Be there or I'll drag you there, you have no idea what I look like so you have no way to stop me. If you aren't there I'll kill you."

The line goes dead and Sebastian's knees give way until he is curled up in a ball on the floor of the toilet, sobbing.

He doesn't know how long he's in there for but he starts violently when there's a knock at the door.

"Sebastian, come out."

It's Kurt.

Shit.

He gets up and splashes water on his face but it's a useless act – everyone in the damn shop will have heard him crying.

He leaves the bathroom and Kurt comes up to him immediately, he looks concerned and torn and starts to speak and Sebastian just knows that he is going to ask how he is, and what's upset him and what can he do? So he just heads him off and shakes his head.

Mr Hummel looks awkwardly at him as he hands over his keys. He offers to waver the payment but Sebastian insists, and he gives him a generous tip. He walks up to his car and runs his fingers over the smooth paintwork where there is no evidence of the cruel remarks from before.

"Thank you."

He leaves, goes home and straight to bed and he knows that he cannot keep doing this.

* * *

His mum lets him call in sick to school on Thursday, and he looks so pathetically terrible he didn't even have to fake anything.

He goes to school on Friday just to offer himself a distraction. He parks as close to the office as he can, not wanting anything to happened to his car again and hurries into the school.

He sits in Warbler practice glad that this was more of a suggestions and practice meeting than a more formal one. They were trying to decide on the other performances they had coming up – there was one at a hospital they all really wanted to get right but couldn't agree on song choices for. One of the guys had been to the local store during lunch hour and collected seven bags of discounted, about to go out of date cookies and brought them to practice. Sebastian took one because if anything was going to look suspicious to a group of teenage boys it was someone turning down free food and cookies at that. He nibbled at it and commented when asked, "We should make this a regular thing, take turns and bring snacks in for afterwards - it was a good idea."

That got a very warm response. The Warblers prided themselves on tradition but snacks did tend to hold a certain amount of power over teenage boys.

It turns out all he had to do was get raped for him to turn into a decent person by the standards of those he goes to school with. It makes him bitter, the fact that his personality change has ultimately made him more likeable.

He places the cookie down, he can't stomach it.

His mind is set on what he's going to do tonight.

He should hide and never, ever set foot anywhere near Scandals ever again, but the bastard that had called him was right about one thing – he had no idea what he looked like.

He's going to go. It won't be hard to figure out who the bastard is, he will have to approach Sebastian at some point but Sebastian won't drink anything, so he can't get drugged again, and he won't go anywhere alone – he will stay at the bar all night and get the manager to walk him to his car afterwards. Then, he will know and he'll be able to protect himself – he won't be unsuspecting any longer.

He'll be able to regain some control.

He's lost everything – control of his body, his usual personality, he feels as though he is losing his mind. He believes the man when he threatened his life.

This has to work.

He doesn't know what will happen if it doesn't.

* * *

Sebastian goes to Scandals, he's a revolting mixture of emotions. He feels so stupid – why is he here? Why didn't he tell anyone? Why is he so scared of being here and yet equally too scared to leave?

A man sits next to Sebastian and Sebastian observes him as casually as he can, but he seems to take no notice in him until Sebastian feels his phone vibrate and notices the guy next to him is texting.

His stomach plummets and feels icy cold.

He reads his text message, but it is blank.

In the seconds he has been distracted he feels himself being pulled backwards off of his stool where he is sat at the bar.

He yelps and waves his arms wildly but the barman is unusually absent and then he is being hoisted to his feet and dragged not outside, which is all the way across the clubs but towards the toilets which are close and all the while the man is acting like Sebastian fell of his own accord and how he is helping him to the toilets and Sebastian is shouting but the music is loud and can't anyone see that he is in trouble?

The man pulls him past he toilets and barges the fire exit door open, shoving him outside where he only steps twice before crashing into the dirty brick wall and it slams shut behind them, and he knows this is it because those doors cannot be opened from the outside and he isn't going to make it down the alleyway that leads to the front of the club…

He wishes almost this would be like the last time because he's going to remember every moment of this for the rest of his life he's going to have the memories and the painful aftermath whereas last time he hadn't had the ability to recall what had happened and that had always, always freaked him out but now he is thankful for it in a way because now he knows he is going to remember this and he wishes he wouldn't…

He was so stupid for coming here tonight. They way the guy had grabbed him and taken him out looked like Sebastian was drunk. No one had noticed and no one had cared and now he's going to pay the price, again.

He's pulled upright and shoved into the wall, the back of his head hits it hard and it takes his brain a few seconds to catch up to reality, and when it does he screams for his life.

He screams until a punch slams into his gut with such force it chokes him until all he can manage is whispered pleas. A hand on his zipper pulls down and his jeans are forced to his knees along with his boxers and he is half naked and vulnerable and shaking with terror.

"No. No, no, no. PLEASE. Don't. NO!"

He thrashes and tries to push his way away from the man. He gets an arm free and aims a wild punch at the man's face - it lands but the man is un-phased. He pauses for a minute in his explorations of Sebastian's already ruined body and laughs in his face. "Cute."

The man punches him again, this time around the face and Sebastian feels dazzled until he is panic stricken at the sight of the man unzipping his own trousers, and then he feels nothing but terror when the man reaches for him.

The man is trying to push him down.

"On your knees you fucking whore, I'm not going to drug you this time but that doesn't mean I can't make you."

Then, there is a bang as the door opens and is he hallucinating or is Blaine there?

"Stop it! Get off of him!"

"Fuck off kid before you get seriously hurt"

The man lets go of Sebastian who crumples to the dirty ground in an instant and whirls on Blaine, he starts to threaten him but then a massive guy - one of the men who work at the club rushes through as well and pushes Blaine out of the way. The guy runs down the alley trying to escape but he's blocked by another guy, the men are cornering him and Blaine is calling for the police and where the hell did Kurt come from?

Sebastian screams when he feels someone's hands on him but he realizes they are smaller, and warm and the face they belong to is familiar and rather than trying to hurt him they are gently tugging his boxers back up.

Sebastian loses all sense of time then, he is wrapped in a blanket and lead to one of two police cars and finds himself sitting in a police car and is informed that they are being taken to the station to give their statements and that Sebastian's mom will be there.

A kindly woman escorts him from the car and to a side room and attends to his injuries. It doesn't take long for his mom to get there. She encases him in a large hug and kneels in front of him, pulling him close and he holds her to his chest as he trembles and whimpers into her hair.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I love you mom, I'm sorry."

"Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for! Now, they're going to ask you some questions okay? And then we can go home. You have to tell them what happened. Okay?"

He nods. "Okay, I can do that."

"Come on."

She carefully wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him close.

It is the worst moment of his life, having to sit in that grim little

room and admit that that man had raped him, vandalized his car and then tried to rape him again. He was humiliated.

They get home and his mom climbs into his bed next to him and he sobs in her arms.

"Seb, sweetheart, you can tell me anything. Anything ever happens to you again and you can tell me, okay?"

"I'm sorry."

"Look at me."

Sebastian looks up at her, he knows she is raging inside but outwardly she is calm and soothing and he never wants to let go of her.

"Mom…"

"This is not your fault. You were scared and I wish you had said something but I understand why you didn't. I'm sorry I didn't notice something was wrong…that morning you came home and all I did was scold you, I -"

"Mom if it isn't my fault it definitely isn't yours."

"I'll get you a new phone and a new number but that bastard is going to jail for a long time okay? And I will help you get through this, I promise."

He falls asleep feeling safer than he has in weeks.

* * *

The next day his mom apologetically wakes him up so they can go to the doctors and Sebastian ends up throwing up again before leaving because the idea of that man leaving a man on him more than physical pain and psychological scarring – in the form of an actual disease is disgusting and incomprehensible but he has no choice but to go and get tested.

He sits on the couch an ice pack held to his cheek, as he tries to focus on anything but last night.

The confusion from the night before about the appearance of Kurt and Blaine had been ultimately lost in his fear and overwhelming experience at the police station, but it all comes back to him full force when there is a knock at the door.

His mom answers it and it is her shout of "oh, you wonderful boys!" That grabs his attention and then Kurt and Blaine are in his living room asking if they can sit with him, they sit one other side of him and he cannot stop thinking about how he likely owes his life to them.

What the hell are you supposed to say to that?

"Thank you both. I don't know what I can say to make you realize how thankful I am…"

Blaine pats the top of his hand, "It's okay."

"Why were you even there? I don't understand."

Sebastian is avoiding eye contact and picking at the loose threads on his pajamas but without looking he can still hear the guilt lining Kurt's voice.

"I overheard, at the shop, that's why we were there. I didn't hear enough to gather the full extent of the conversation or I would have said something to you directly or called the police myself but it was enough for me to worry so we decided to go and keep an eye out, I didn't think if I offered you my help directly you'd want it…I'm so sorry Sebastian, I should have called the police straight away."

"It's not your fault. It's mine."

They both fiercely tell him otherwise but he doesn't feel any different.

"I can't believe you did that for me. I know that you're both sickeningly nice but…you must think I deserved it."

"No one thinks that!"

"You're crazy Hummel. After what I did to Blaine? Come on."

"Sebastian, you already apologized for that and eye surgery isn't even in the same league to what you went through. You are not evil and you do not deserve what happened to you. We're glad you're safe."

"Seb!" His mum is running through the room and wraps him up again. "The man pleased guilty, they had CCTV footage of his damaging your car, the phone numbers he called you with matched up and apparently he has done this before – he meets a previous description but that tine he got away. You don't have to go to trial honey, he's already locked up!"

Sebastian lets out an indescribable noise of pure relief.

"That's brilliant." Kurt and Blaine smile tentatively.

"We should go, but we'd like to see you again Sebastian?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Kurt walks up to Sebastian and squeezes his hand gently, "see you soon okay?"

"I – yeah, yes, I'd like that."

He means it.

He cuddles into his mom's side again and smiles weakly.

"Sebastain I want you to know this is not your fault. I want you to get better and know that you didn't deserve this. I want you to know much I love you and how I want you to be safe."

"I love you too mom."

For the first time since it happens he feels strong, he feels warm and devoid of terror, he feels like he can survive. He feels whole again.

* * *

Okay, wow.

So this was long and it has taken me days to finish and I really hope someone liked it. I think the ending was poor but had I left it any longer the entire thing would have just rotted on my computer so I posted it. Please let me know what you think, I'm working my way through a Sebastian obsession so you will probably see more things about him.

I was nervous about posting this, so any feedback would be wonderful.

Thanks for reading!


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